


The Other Side

by Randomhowlter



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomhowlter/pseuds/Randomhowlter
Summary: When Dan and Phil have a fight, Dan finds himself wandering through Tumblr for comfort.





	The Other Side

Dan couldn’t stand it. He was frustrated, he was tired, he just wanted everything to stop. He and Phil had been yelling across the flat for what felt like hours, and he barely understood why they were arguing. He had forgotten what had even sparked it; they ricocheted from topic to topic, arguing and arguing, until he was dizzy with the speed of it all.

It finally ended with a slammed door to Dan’s bedroom. He could hear Phil breathing hard and trying (but failing) to hold back sobs, before his footsteps faded into his own room.

Some ugly words had been said.

“Being with you sometimes makes me want to die!” Dan didn’t remember when in the argument he had shouted that, it was hardly the last thing he said or heard, and he could not get the response out of his head: “Why don’t you, then? You seem to want it more than you want me!”

Dan turned those words over and over and over in his head. Why had he said that? Did Phil really want him to die? It wasn’t true, being with Phil didn’t make him want to die, it had saved him in fact, it had made him want to live again; he had wanted to hurt Phil, to say something that he knew would pierce into his heart and stick like a poisoned barb.

But he wasn’t expecting Phil to do it back.

He breathed deeply. In and out. In and out. Count to ten, but out of order. He smiled. Phil had taught him that trick. Then his eyes immediately welled with tears.

How could he have hurt Phil? The love of his life, his soulmate? How could Dan betray him in such a way?

He didn’t know what to do, so he opened his computer. Scrolling aimlessly through Twitter, he cursed as he remembered he was meant to do a live show that evening. He was hardly in any condition to, though, so he typed out a vague apology, promising to make it up next week. Sighing, he closed his Twitter, and opened Tumblr. He scrolled, barely registering the anime theories and picture edits, before stumbling across a post that caught his eye.

“I’m linking some of my favorite phan fluff fics guys! Fluff, no smut (next time though I promise ;)) Enjoy!”

Curious, he clicked on some of the links. Some were shorter, while others had so many chapters, they could have been a book series. He found himself sucked in, and soon enough, had read through all of them.

After finishing, he closed his laptop and sighed heavily. His mind was racing, remembering all the details in each of the fics, about why he loved Phil, or why Phil loved him. Details, he realized, that he had begun to take for granted. It was amazing how much fans notice, strengthened by their collective eye, noticing his gaze on Phil’s face for a fraction of a second too long, or Phil’s half-smile to Dan’s back when he turns away from him. It could be unsettling at times, but right now, he was grateful.

He was so grateful that they noticed those things, because they reminded him not to forget them. They reminded him not to take for granted Phil’s illuminating smile, his dancing blue eyes, his springy movements.

They reminded him why Phil loved him as well. They reminded him that Phil loved his eyes full of wonder, his laugh, his high-pitched voice when he was amusedly frustrated.

And it went further, beyond their videos, to their quiet, semi-serious 2 AM conversations (that were really more peaceful rambling than anything else), to their midnight baking that they didn’t record, but instead kept to themselves as secret treasures, to Phil’s arms around his shaking body when he can’t stop crying, because what’s the point, why should he be here, why should he live when so many others deserve to and don’t get to?

Dan took a shaky breath, filling his lungs with an overwhelming love for Phil, his Phil. He closed his eyes, let the final tears fall, before standing.

Barely glancing at the clock and registering the 1:30 blinking on it, he walked to Phil’s room. The few steps down the hallway felt like too many, and he quickened his pace to knock on the door.

Phil didn’t answer.

“Phil?” he squeaked, almost unsure of how to proceed. He nudged open the door, and found Phil asleep on the bed. For a moment, he froze, chewing the inside of his cheek. Maybe he shouldn’t be here, especially if Phil had meant what he had said. Maybe he should just leave and let Phil live his life and be happy without him.

Blinking, he shook the sudden thoughts out of his head. No, he would fight for Phil, even if that fight was against himself. Inhaling, he crept forward quietly, and lay down next to Phil. He listened to his deep breathing for a few moments, appreciating the utter beauty of this man who was his best friend and soulmate. Then, slowly, so as not to frighten him, he wrapped his arms around his lover.

“Dan?” Phil croaked, waking slightly, his voice hoarse from yelling and crying. He began to softly weep again.

“Shh, I’m here, Phil,” he hugged him tighter, fighting back his own tears. His voice broke as he continued, “I’m sorry, Phil, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok, Dan,” Phil responded tiredly.

“No, it isn’t. I shouldn’t have said what I did, being with you doesn’t make me want to die, it’s made me want to live. You’ve given me more life than I’ve ever had in my entire life, and I love you for it. I’m in love with you, Phil Lester, my AmazingPhil, I’m in love with your eyes and how they’re full of kindness and love and laughter. I’m in love with your energy, and your optimism, and your compassion, and your love for me, love that no one’s ever had for me before. And I’m in love with us, with our middle of the night rambles and baking and video gaming, with our cuddles and our friendship and our easy silences. I love everything about you, and I never ever want to let go, I’ll never leave you.” The words came out in a rush, stumbling over each other, desperate to get to Phil’s ears. He may have borrowed some of those phrases from the fics he had just read, but that didn’t make them any less true.

He held his breath as he awaited a response, almost afraid that he had become incoherent to Phil in his rush to speak. Then Phil shifted, rolling over in Dan’s arms to face his best friend. “I’m in love with you, too,” he sighed, “And I don’t wish you were dead, I don’t want anything to ever happen to you, I’m so sorry I said that. I love you, Dan Howell, and I always will...even if you did steal some of those lines from Tumblr.”

Dan laughed, unable to help himself, and melted as Phil’s face broke out into that smile he couldn’t get enough of.

Sending out a silent thank you to the fan fiction writing community of Tumblr, he reminded himself to give them a shout out for their work on his live show next week.

As Phil snuggled into his chest, and his breathing deepened once more, Dan sighed again, one final tear of relief making its way down his cheek. He kissed Phil’s head before pulling him closer, and allowing himself to fall into easy subconsciousness with his lover.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Thanks for reading! This is my first ever fic, so I'd love feedback, but please be courteous. Thank you! Enjoy :)


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